Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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