Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
