It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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