my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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