dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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