Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You're so nebulous sometimes
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
