I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This house was built for laser tag.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
