im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
