My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
