Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
