are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
