I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
