just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
