pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Buhtt sex?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
