my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
