listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
