and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
