I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I love you. Go after that dick
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
