i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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