lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My balls are so social today.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
