What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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