I faked an abortion last night.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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