Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm always down for nudity.
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