I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
