Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
