i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
