i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
