so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All I want is dick and wine.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
