well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's official drugs can't kill me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
