just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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