the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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