My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
why is half of my head shaved?
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