you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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