You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you traded sex for a burrito?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
