dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
