Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
