roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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