you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
