people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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