He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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