rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
