I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
