TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
