Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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