at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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