I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
