He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
