Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
