I'm going to jail i love you
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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