I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
