Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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