Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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