I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
