Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dick very happy bro
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
