Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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