This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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