I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
