it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
